


but with the dawn, rejoicing

by victoria_p (musesfool)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Schmoop, Steve Rogers's Birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 08:02:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15166226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p
Summary: Every night, Steve holds on tight and prays that Bucky's still there in the morning.





	but with the dawn, rejoicing

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 100th birthday, Steve! Have a plotless bit of schmoop.

weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.  
—Psalms 30:5

*

Steve still has nightmares. There's a wide variety of horrors to choose from in his life, in his memories, but since their run-in with Thanos, his nightmares mainly take the form of watching Bucky call his name and reach for him while _yet again_ he can do nothing to save him. Sometimes, in his dreams, it's Sam and Natasha and Peggy who crumble to dust as the prelude to the inevitable loss of Bucky just as he comes within reach. Sometimes, he rescues Bucky from Zola's table in Austria or from the train in the Alps, only to have him disintegrate in his arms.

Even after he gets Bucky back, after they set the world (the universe? Steve isn't sure and he doesn't like to think about all those billions of lives Thanos destroyed with the snap of his fingers) to rights, he still has them, even with Bucky clutched close in his arms when they go to bed every night.

Bucky understands. Of course he does. He has his own nightmares, and if they don't talk about them in detail, they do talk about them. To each other, and to actual mental health professionals. Sam's colleagues at the VA made several referrals—for everyone on the team—after Thanos was defeated. But he still sleeps peacefully some nights, here in the circle of Steve's arms. Steve feels the weight of that trust, that Bucky feels _safe_ here with him, like an ache in his chest, a tightness in his throat.

Still, every night, they cling to each other and Steve worries that their time together has been the dream, and when he falls asleep, he'll wake once more into the nightmare of life without Bucky. He prays more fervently than he ever did when he still believed that Bucky will be there with him in the morning, and whispers silent thanks when Bucky is when he wakes. 

The serum made it so Steve doesn't need to sleep much, and since he got Bucky back, he takes advantage of that; he lies awake and listens to the sound of Bucky's breathing, breathes in time with it himself, the way he used to when they were young and he still had asthma to contend with. Still, he dozes from time to time, the familiar scent of Bucky's hair and the steady beat of his heart lulling Steve into a fitful sleep.

He's on the train in the Alps again. He reaches out and Bucky grabs his hand, and Steve pulls him back into the train car and gives him a clinging hug, even though there's no time to waste—the others have found Zola and it's time to go.

Bucky smiles at him, the sad, halfhearted smile he wore after Azzano, and cups Steve's cheek gently as he starts to disintegrate, fingers turning to dust against Steve's skin. "Steve?"

Steve jolts awake to the sound of Bucky calling his name. "Steve? Wake up. It's a nightmare."

"Bucky?"

"I'm here. I'm right here." Bucky gathers Steve in close and presses soft kisses along his jaw and hairline, his fingers combing gently through Steve's hair. "I'm here, Steve. I got you."

Steve gasps against his cheek and lets himself be petted back to calmness, his hands clenching spasmodically in the thin cotton of Bucky's t-shirt. He buries his face in the crook of Bucky's neck and breathes him in, sleep-warm and sweaty and _real_.

When his heart has finally stopped racing and he can replace in his mind's eye the horrific images from his nightmare with the fond look Bucky's now wearing, he leans back and gives Bucky a tender kiss.

"Thank you."

"You do the same for me," Bucky replies.

"Yeah." Steve can't help the goofy smile that stretches across his face. Seventy years and several wars and death and ice and Hydra can't keep them apart anymore. He glances over at the clock on the night table. "It's almost five," he says. "Day'll be starting soon. You wanna get up?"

"Yeah," Bucky says, giving Steve's hair a gentle tug. "Let's go to the diner, get some pancakes."

"Sounds good," Steve says, but it still takes him a couple of minutes to let go of Bucky. Bucky doesn't seem to mind.

end


End file.
